Kathleen's Journey to Emotional Health
Most of my life has felt like a struggle. My first traumatic experience was at age three. My mother was the type who was strict and did not demonstrate affection naturally. What I remember is we were in the kitchen and I wanted her to pick me up. She refused and I had a tantrum.
She responded with a spanking and told me to "stop crying or she would give me something to cry about", a very common mantra in those days. I ran and hid in a closet, stomped my feet, and hit my fists against the wall. Then I decided to run away.
As I started walking down our country road an eighteen-wheeler sped by and almost knocked me down. This scared me and in that instant, my spirit was broken. I recognized I wasn't big enough to take care of myself and I needed my mother to survive. I slithered back into the house, deciding I would be a "good little girl" who didn't show her anger and who would stuff down her feelings. I learned to do what mommy wanted in hopes of getting the attention and affection I so deeply wanted.
I did what I was told and didn't say "no". I tried to be perfect and please my mother so she wouldn't get angry and reject me, which seemed to work most of the time. These beliefs and habits were deeply ingrained and controlled my behavior for the rest of my life. Not being able to say "no", and stand up for me, and having fear of other people's angry was very disempowering and caused me all sorts of abuse.
As I mentioned my mother's love was very conditional. On the other hand, my father was my source of affection, love, and security. Then, at nine years old, all those warm and safe feelings were gone forever when my father sexually abused me. I was left feeling traumatized, frightened, and totally unsafe.
Immediately I had to start wearing glasses and had hearing difficulties. Reading and comprehension were challenging and I struggled to make "C's" in school. It was like my whole brain got scrambled. I was experiencing the full-blown effects of trauma.
Then at age 16, I began a binge eating disorder to numb my feelings of inferiority and anxiety. This was also the time when I began reading self-help books to try and find out what was wrong with me. This was the beginning of my personal development path however I didn't feel any better.
Having a binge eating disorder left me feeling out of control and shameful. Losing 25 pounds and then quickly gaining it back again was demoralizing. This happened three times.
And not having healthy boundaries invited people, even loved ones to take advantage of me personally and professionally. In the business world not having healthy boundaries cost me thousands of dollars, tons of effort, and huge resentment.
I took the EST Training in my late 20's where I learned we create beliefs and strategies to try and get the love we so deeply want as youngsters. And then we continue using these strategies as adults even though they usually don't work well.
In my 30's I went to therapists, had many EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) and Network Chiropractor sessions, but I didn't feel much relief. Then I took a class called "Lighten-Up" which changed my life. I learned how to feel my feelings, particularly my anger which I had suppressed since I was three years old. Feeling safe to feel my anger took away my anxiety and my 22-year binge eating disorder which had caused me so much suffering and shame. I was so happy to have this major problem gone that I decided to commit my life to learning and growing to completely feel good about myself and my life.
I attended classes in self-esteem and spiritual development. I took all of Landmark Education's Curriculum plus the year-long "Wisdom Course" in which I identified dozens of my deepest sabotaging beliefs. In the process, some of the limiting beliefs went away, but I had tons left.
In my 40’s and 50’s, I enrolled in CoachU. My quest to feel good about myself and to have success led me to learn EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique - tapping), The Yuen Method, Matrix Energetics, Advanced Wavemaker Coaching, the Twelve Core Dynamics of Common Problems, and Pure Awareness Techniques, many coaching certifications, etc.
In my 60’s I continued to take classes and learning healing modalities from cutting-edge teachers and coaches. The process was long and frustrating, but with each class experience and modality that I learned, I made baby steps toward wholeness and inner peace.
Then something happened that was devastating. I received a 30 days’ notice that I had to move out of my home after spending an enormous amount of time, energy, and money renovating a space for my home office coaching practice. I also felt that the owner had taken advantage of me. When I look back I realize that I had a habit of over giving with the belief that I would be taken care of if I was a really good little girl. This was certainly a childhood belief that was causing me a lot of problems as an adult.
Within weeks my thighs were surprisingly painful and it became difficult for me to walk. It was like a needle had fallen on the haystack of me allowing others to take advantage of me and my body was saying "no more!"
The diagnosis of Polymyalgia Rheumatic that I was given was extremely challenging. For the next two years, I was homeless, living as a house sitter, and living with family and friends - constantly moving. Even though it was tough, the Universe supported me and I was grateful.
I continued my personal development classes, worked part-time in health care to pay basic expenses, went through a bankruptcy, and worked with many alternative health practitioners to try and get well again. After two years, my mother passed away and I used my small inheritance to move from Santa Barbara to Austin. In the next 3 years, I spent over $30,000 working with a variety of health practitioners, alternative healers, and doctors. I did not get better but I was grateful that they were able to keep me alive.
Then I took some ThetaHealing classes which finally made a huge difference. I cleared an enormous amount of limiting beliefs and emotions that changed my life for the better dramatically. At the end of 15 months of weekly ThetaHealing sessions with a fellow student, I was off the Prednisone I had needed for 5 years.
I then took the Teacher’s ThetaHealing Training and over the next 5 years taught over 50 students this powerful technique. Every year I expanded what I had learned over the past 30 years and improved upon it – making my healing process more and more powerful until I developed the unique Holistic Emotional Makeover (HEM) system.
With the HEM system, my life finally felt great! My health is good, I got married to an awesome man who is fun and kind for the first time, at age 71 (two years ago). I am playing completive tennis again after a 17-year layoff, and my husband and I are learning to play golf. I am so blessed! And on top of all this, I get to transform my client’s lives, what could be better?
My challenges from the past are now my assets in helping others. Overcoming my challenges, combined with all I have learned -- I now have a unique ability to help others. Plus, I have a deep sense of understanding, compassion, and empathy for my clients as I do for myself.
I believe the key to happiness, good health, and inner peace is emotional well-being, or “positive belief programming”. When you have this, your whole life works well and you feel great!
Looking back, I laugh and think to myself: "God must have a great sense of humor. I've had all these struggles because God wanted me to have a good story to share."
I am deeply grateful for all the modalities and information that I have learned and mastered over my lifetime. I am honored and blessed to work with my clients and help them transform their lives as I did mine. Everyone deserves to live a magically life!.
